In a few short months I'll be attending my very first birth (other than my own two) and being a support person for two very good friends of mine so this article is particularly relevant for me right now. If you are pregnant or your partner is, then share this information with your loved ones. The most important thing for me approaching me labours was knowing I had great support in my husband. A woman in labour has you with her for support and advocacy, so she doesn’t have to think, make decisions or even speak if she doesn’t want to. With the help of a support person and a great midwife a labouring woman can be free to concentrate on herself and giving birth to her baby in the most calm and peaceful way possible, with minimal fuss and intervention.

It is an honour to be present at such an amazing life changing event but attending a birth is also no walk in the park, it can be tiring & demanding so it's important to know what you are there for and how you can be of most assistance.

Recognising the different stages

During the 1st stage of labour (where the contractions are causing dilation) the labouring woman will probably be more talkative and want to move around from fit ball to bath or floor and maybe have small amounts of food or drink. Getting the different areas ready for her to make herself comfortable and having easily digested food or drinks such as diluted fruit juice on hand will make it easier for her to be comfortable instinctively, without having to think too much about what she needs.

Try not to tell her to ‘relax’, unless you see that a specific part of her body is tense, for example her jaw, face or fists are clenched. In this case gently remind her to relax her fists or unclench her jaw etc. Be specific in your instructions as being told to simply relax while you are uncomfortable can be very frustrating.

If her breathing becomes quick or unfocused remind her to breathe in for the count of 4 and out for the count of 6 throughout every contraction and to keep her mouth and face relaxed.

After contractions you can occasionally offer comforting and encouraging words like “well done, you are one contraction closer to meeting your baby” or “you are a beautiful strong women, I’m so proud of you”. Keeping a women in labour in a positive frame of mind by giving her genuine and non-patronising affirmations can help speed up labour and reduce the need for intervention.

You may need to be remind a woman in labour to be patient and calm; using statements like “your body is doing a great job of opening up” or “trust your body it knows exactly what to do” will be positive and reassuring.

Suggest that she change positions if looking uncomfortable, frustrated, restless or tense (unless in second stage where she will probably want to stay put!)

It is important to keep her perineum soft and oiled to allow it to stretch and minimise tearing or the need for an episiotomy. You may need to remind her to keep applying the oil and have it there ready to use, especially if getting in and out of the bath or shower which can be very drying to the skin.

The application of a boiling hot face washer can also be helpful in softening the skin and reducing the pain as the head crowns so you may need to ask or organise for a bowl of HOT water to be on hand.

The second stage (pushing) can be noticed as a change in personality or demeanour and should be easily recognised. The person usually becomes more introverted and may not want to respond to questions or conversation (this can slow the process down). Often statements like “when will this be over?”, “I’ve had enough” or “get this baby out of me!!” may be spoken, she may not want to be touched, this indicates the work is nearly over.

The best position to be in for this stage is upright and slightly forward with the legs wide apart to allow the pelvis to open as much as possible. The woman giving birth would probably have thought about her prefered position for giving birth at some stage throughout her pregnancy and hopefully discussed her wishes with you so you can help her carry them out. Either way it's important that she be allowed to "push" in the position she feels most comfortable rather than being told to sit or lay a certain way.

Keep the lights dim, if a midwife or doctor turns them on, you may ask if it’s really necessary and can we please have them turned down again.

Putting a limit put on the “pushing” stage could possibly cause worry about things not happening fast enough, you might be able to ask the midwives or doctor to “give it time, it will happen when they are both ready, she’s going really well”, or ask if there is any medical reason why the birth needs to be rushed?

The midwife should guide the woman in labour at this point, telling her to push only as the contractions arrive and to slow down as the head crowns to prevent tearing if it looks likely. This is generally when you as the support person are able to see the baby being born if you and the labouring woman are comfortable (in most cases when you're about to give birth you don’t mind who’s watching what, you’re just ready to meet your baby). You may be required to lend a hand to squeeze or offer drinks; you really need to be guided by the situation and the mum to be.

It can be very challenging watching someone you love go through a difficult or painful experience and it is natural to want to 'fix' things for them or ease their discomfort. Remember to have faith, know the person you are supporting has enormous strength and courage. The most important thing you can do for the person you are supporting is stay calm and enjoy this amazing experience.