Children have an amazing way of copying what we do with great precision. They watch us closely, and love to do what we do. The more they are in awe of us, the more they will imitate.

For example, if we use please and thankyou, and are friendly to people we meet in the course of a day, then our children are likely to follow suit. If we speak loudly most of the time, our children will tend to do the same. If we are untidy, our children are not likely to be very tidy. One of my sons used to want to put on make-up, whenever I was applying some, when he was very young.

If you listen and watch your children at play, you will often hear your own tone of voice, intonation and favourite expressions, and frequently see the body language that you use. Children soon learn that alcoholic drinks or cigarettes are cool, if they are constantly exposed to them by their parents, or by watching adult content on TV. Similarly, if girls see their mothers or females on TV, constantly dancing in a sensual, provocative manner, they are more likely to do the same. If a child regularly sees his parent using violence to get obedience, then the child has a greater chance of doing similar, at some stage in his life, unless he is taught, and convinced, of a better way. A father who brags that he got into a concert without paying, by sneaking in the back entrance, is teaching his children that it’s ok to avoid paying for things, by using cunning. If you swear forcefully when you can’t start an electrical appliance, or when someone cuts you off on the road, your child is taking in this behaviour and getting ready to repeat it. Lying about your reason for not attending a meeting, or similar, will be absorbed by your child.

Positive traits are similarly copied. Using humour to lighten the atmosphere can be adopted by your child, if he is familiar with a lot of this. Healthy eating and regular exercise are much more likely to be copied by our children, if we can model this kind of lifestyle. Similarly, wearing hats and sunscreen ourselves, will provide excellent role-modelling for our children.

Of course other factors come into play, such as the gender of the parent, age, the amount of time spent with the parent, peer pressure, and so on.

If we can consciously be accepting and respectful of others, no matter what their age, colour, race, religion, sexual preference, ability, appearance, gender or class, we have a greater chance of our children doing likewise. Children tend to do what we do, not what we tell them to do, in the long run.

Therefore it is advisable that we become aware of what we do in front of our children, and decide whether we want these behaviours imitated or not.

We must become the change we want to see - 20th century Indian National Congress President Mahatma Gandhi